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Why are Ministers Lonely? by David Odom, Center for Congregational
Health The news reporter called with an innocent sounding question. "How can a minister feel isolated when they are surrounded by people all the time?" I smiled. This sounds like a very reasonable question. I know from more than four years of work on issues related to encouraging excellence in clergy that isolation is one of the most common and most challenging issues experienced by clergy serving congregations. Ministers have deep and very meaningful relationships with members of their congregations. Ministers are present in the moments that are reserved for the closest of family and friends. Ministers bring a sense of the holy with them into hospital rooms, a den or even into the yard. Yet…the minister is not really a best friend, because the relationship is not fully mutual. Congregation members can trust the pastor. But, the minister should not share all of the ministry burdens with the members. Because the minister is keeping secrets (more accurately–confidential information), then the relationship is a bit one-sided. The longer a minister serves a congregation, the more one-sided the relationship can become. This is not bad news. But…it can lead to ministers feeling lonely, even in a crowd of loving church members. What is the solution? Nothing is that simple. However, ministers need some significant relationships outside of church and family. They need friends. Unfortunately, the nature of congregations is that they absorb most of your time. So, where is a minister to go? One place to find support is among other clergy. Recently, our Center played a small role in forming about 50 peer learning groups for clergy. These groups were formed by the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship’s Leadership Development Department. With very little effort, the department recruited ministers who were willing to ask other ministers to join together for a monthly meeting of support. Not all of the participants were related to the sponsoring denomination. Yet, the ministers flocked together. Most of these groups have now been together for three years. This experience suggests to me that lay leaders in congregations should be encouraging their pastor to be part of a support group. In fact, if I were a member of a Personnel Committee, I would ask the minister to identify the group that the minister meets with including how often. Budget money should be set aside for the pastor to participate in the group. Strangely enough, really good ministers are lonely. It happens if the minister is working hard and meeting the spiritual needs of the congregation. Healthy ministers and their congregations have discovered ways to support the minister by sending the minister out of the congregation occasionally. |
Giving to CBF of
Missouri:
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